Inspired by the snootiness factor that Apple’s marketing targets, and the general lack of scientific understanding people have, I’ve come up with a business idea.

I want to grab a lump of ancient ice from the Arctic. It has to be old, at least 10,000 years. I will bring that back to the UK (actually, any Western country where there’s more money than sense will do). I will take the tiniest ice crystal possible and take it to a water bottling plant; something like Evian. There, I will put the tiny ice crystal in a massive vat of water. For a period of one year, I will safely claim that all water coming through that vat will remember the ancient water molecules that had been there originally. Each successive water molecule will learn from the ones just leaving.

I will sell this as Homeopathic Mineral Water, and the marketing ethos will be that it is water unsullied by modern pollution and that’s never been dunk by any other human, thus making it water exclusive to each drinker. Marketing will also link the idea that each refreshment seeker now “owns” a piece of Arctic ice, which is fast disappearing, making it an exclusive commodity, and them exclusive people. 

The chunk of ice in my big freezer will keep me going for decades.

I will be rich. True, through cynical means, but then that’s the world we live in.